Who is really Homeless…..

I was driving by the Wal-Mart located near my house today and I saw what society calls a homeless person. He was a older gentleman in ragged clothing, missing teeth, and looked like he had a hard life. The thing that I noticed about him beyond the rough outer look was his smiling face. How could someone that has to stand on the street asking others for money be so happy? I gave him a few bucks which is all I had left regardless of my low gas light. I placed the money in his hands and he began to sing a church song. I stood a while and listened, he was no American Idol finalist but his enthusiasm sparked my curiosity. I asked before I walked off, “where can get some of that happiness you got?” He paused looked at me and said, “Young man the one thing you young people just don’t get is what you can’t fix, you just can’t fix and you don’t thank God for what hasn’t went wrong”. Those have been the strongest words that I have heard lately. In comparison to seeking answers for my own troubles through friends, my pastor, and counselors this guy said the strongest words to hit me.

I could imagine as we everyday people spend enormous amounts of time worrying about things that we have no control of such as people, money we don’t have, and stressful jobs our situations seem not as bad as his. The question that hit me is, is he really homeless or am I the homeless person mentally. I have a car, a place to stay, two jobs, and my kids are taken care of but I am constantly stressed out and crying day by day. Here we have a man with no home, job, or who knows if he know where his kids are as happy as can be. It’s like saying I rather have happiness than a million dollars and be miserable. His home is in his head and a lot of times (I too am guilty) we tend to think these people are crazy but who is really crazy. I’m the one that needs a counselor for my troubles and this person just decides he is going to be happy regardless of his troubles. I don’t have a constant settling place for my mind and at times I feel like I’m lost wanting to give up. Even with everything seeming like this guy has nothing he has the one thing that I don’t happiness. So who’s in the worst position? That’s something to think about coffeebrown readers, while you ponder remember, Life is a journey but it is up to you to make that journey a magical one.

Do Now What you may not be able to later….

Hello Coffee Brown Readers. A lot has changed for me and life has spun in a whirlwind. I am now single not really happy about it but I take it for what it is. I have currently had to deal with a breakup of a 5 year relationship with two children involved. It has been one of the hardest things for me as I have had to start over but currently with a lot of praying and release of emotions I think I will get through it. I’m writing this post to help some of my coffee brown readers avoid the same situation that I have put myself in. I read Facebook post today and I noticed how all of the guys or girls express relationship troubles. My current roommate aka my brother from another mother go through relationship troubles like me. I recently read where Robyn Thicke one of my favorite artist is even going through a divorce. I am seeing where what seems like positive loving relationships or marriages are fading fast. The troubling thing about this is, that this is a time for families to become stronger as the Devil is very busy leading to the thoughts that this world is coming near a end. In the news recently here in the city I live in a mother that worked at taco bell was brutally murdered by two of her co workers. They only robbed her for a hundred dollars. News like this has become a common thing and it proves to me that the devil is busy at work.

So I say to you, if you have a loved one that you truly love do not procrastinate of the things that secures them that shows that you love them and want to be with them. I did not do that and now I go through a hard situation. I worked hard to be with my ex before we ever were together, I like her so much that I prayed to God to get her. The relationship went on there was a lot of sex and a kid. There was a lot of fighting, a break up, a make up, and more kids. I left, I came back and on and on…. In the midst of it five years had past. In those five years I had not done the most important thing and that was make her my wife. I took the milk and gave excuse to not buy the cow. Did I not want to marry her? I did, I really did but I let my fear from my last short marriage control me doing what I should have done. In reality because I didn’t do it the fear became a reality. No we didn’t get divorced but after five years it feels like.

The crazy thing is around the end of the relationship I had planned to finally propose. I was too late and she had built up this defense that seemed like she just gave up. I can see why, all the harsh arguments and mean words from both parties took away what should have been. She went very religious on me and decided to take away sex until married. I could not understand why she would all of a sudden do that but I didn’t try too, I wanted what I wanted no compromise. Now it seems that she just was saying now is the time to make it official but I felt like she wanted to punish me for no apparent reason. So what happened? She is religious, but I do think in some sort she has it misconstrued on what was going on. I went to desperation after the break up, I wanted my family back I even begged. She said to me that maybe it was not in God’s plan for us to be together. I sought out God and push to get even more into religious dedication to try to understand her because at the moment I didn’t. Now when I tell her the truth about what is going on she just gives an objection to whatever I say because the trust in my words are gone. So I will tell you this readers, there is no such thing as it is not in God’s plan for two people who love each other to not be together. God does not cause break ups people do and by bickering a lot gives a open door for the devil to break you up. God does not intend to place kids in a broken home without both parents. I learned when two people truly unite through the trials a tribulations of disagreements and decide to get married becoming one, God actually rejoices because two sinners have made progress to live right. The way God intended for them to live in the beginning, my pastor told me that God is not a God of the past but a God of the moment. That means that no matter what happened in the past God does not dwell on that because he is too happy rejoicing on whatever good is going on. I was too late so to you, do not wait on what can be done now with your partners, because now could become a then and you could be stuck wishing you could go back to then and do what you would do now. Take this advice from someone who is living it and remember, Life is journey but it is up to you to make that journey a magical one.

P.S. I have been out of the loop on my blogging for a while but you will hear from me as I look to rebuild a improved life from what I learned from previous mistakes. Thanks for reading.

Free

Prisoner….Not the type of prisoner that is locked in a cell but a prisoner of your mind, yourself, or your situation.  That was me a prisoner to my mind, myself, and the situation I was in. Those that have read my blog know that I normally write about relationship situations (today is not different). See I always write in my blogs about the wrongs that I do, so generally, in my aging path I will say that I am no angel. Now through all the wrongs that I have done I can say that now as a thirty year old man, I have grown out of a lot of the childish things that I have done.

  I am still growing and learning everyday. As a man I have learned that what is important to me is truly being free. What is free? For me free was being able to do just what I wanted to do. This was when I was in my twenties but now three kids, divorce, and other relationship plummets later the word free is totally different to me. Now free is a piece of mind, knowing who I am and what I want. Free is happiness the result of all the hard work and stress taken to enjoy the family I love. Family….having a family or being on the road to completing a family seems more important than ever. I realize that family is not possible when I am not happy. The holidays after working two jobs with a very tiny amount of sleep have made me realize that. See I have tolerated being treated a certain way by someone and have accepted it for the sake of family. Yes there were arguments and multiple threats that I would leave but they were idle threats. I was a prisoner because I was constantly trying to change the way someone thinks or see things, but in default I was compromising my happiness because I have no control of what someone else thinks or does. I let myself be stuck in place that I wanted to control but ultimately I had no control. I was just stuck in a situation and my mind had me stuck settling because I wanted family so bad.

I now have decided to make a calm exit from the situation. It is a life changing decision and very hard because love is not something that you can just turn off. Loving someone and the relationship itself are two totally different situations. See when a relationship gets to the point that you cannot even tell yourself the benefit of it, your just a prisoner to the title itself. You have to free yourself even though it may seem like the hardest thing to do. Life is not promised 5 minuets from now and to spend the little time that I have being sort of self-made prisoner is like running in place. Thus, I would never be free and never see the freedom that everyone should have. Well, this my therapeutic rant for now. Remember, “Life is journey but it is up to you to make that journey a magical one”  The Coffee brown Brother

Wishing Yesterday was Today

 August 31, 1997 Princess Diana died. I remember it on TV as people all over the world reacted in sadness. I was a couple of days away from experiencing my first years of High School. I couldn’t understand the significance of the princess at the time because for one I was too young and secondly my family had lost our queen. I remember my sister calling the house screaming telling my mother that “Big momma had passed out and wouldn’t wake up”, she was a blessed lady because God had seen fit for her to live to the age of 90 years old. I remember the ride from Union Springs, Alabama to Dadeville, Alabama which normally seemed like a fast trip but that day it was different. We got to Dadeville to the neighborhood that she lived in and as we approached near her house I remember the long line of cars. It was a terrifying feeling to see that as it was a sign of bad news. We parked my mother went in first and I heard her screaming. She was on the living room floor crying like a child as I or anyone else would do when losing their mother.  Now here I am 16 years later about a month after the day she died thinking and crying about her like that child my mother was crying like. I know why haven’t I gotten over it by now? It is more than that,  see my grandmother’s life for me signifies a time in my life that I miss and can’t go back to. See she was the link to my family, she was the foundation and when she died it seemed that my family’s bond died with her.

Me, now with children and problems of my own, at times make me just miss the times while she was living. It’s crazy because it comes back to me as if it was yesterday. I experience the same fast paced heartbeat, the same mood, and can visualize it as if I was walking through it. My siblings and I went through some tough summers with my grandmother. I remember when we would go to her house when school was out and some days we didn’t have anything to eat. I even remember at the age of 11 going into a gas station stealing bread and a big can of chicken and dumplings so we could eat.  We would never tell my parents how hard it was and what was going fearing that they would make us come home. The crazy thing is that I would trade those hard times for the life problems I am dealing with today, any day. See even in that chaos then there was a level of security in myself that everything would be ok. It’s just not the same now. Oh well remember, “life is journey it is up to you to make that journey a magical one”.

Taking back yourself

When it All Falls Down.

Have you heard the saying when it rains it pours? I have, but at times I feel like it floods. It seems that at your most vulnerable points in life you’re getting attacked from every end. Family, burned relationship, job, and health all have teamed together to create one the most miserable experiences in your life. It seems like the orange juice commercial, where the person sits with their glass of orange juice with the problems they will soon encounter later in their day. In my story there is no orange juice just the problems (See tv commercials aren’t realistic). One thing is some of the problems are self-inflicted and others are uncontrollable circumstances. I sit at my job on my brother’s birthday May 1st three days before my own when I will be turning 30, thinking to myself, “I am getting too old for this”. I find myself at this moment asking God for just an ounce of peace. The funny thing is now as an adult I realize what my parents had to be feeling sometimes. It’s crazy how sometimes in the midst of silence chaos breaks out.

Today, as I was on my way to work after an argument that started the fall of my day, I witnessed a 4 car accident. The day was beautiful and traffic was flowing with ease on the road I was on. I had started listening to a calming Neo-soul song. Three cars ahead were sitting still at a traffic light by the intersection………THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN a new shiny blue pick up truck passed me speeding and ran into the back of a car (totally smashing the entire back of the car), that hit another car, that hit another car and pandemonium broke loose. I pulled my car over to the side parking lot to see if anyone got hurt. I witnessed one female getting out of her car frantically crying, another screaming in anger as she ripped the shirt off her child where the glass from her windshield stuck to his back, and a man who was driving the pick up yelling he didn’t mean to do it.

I relate this situation to how life tends to function. One of the drivers that were hit had just bought their car and in the moment of her feeling good about her new car being bought ended in swift shift of her new car being totalled out. In life sometimes it is at the moment when you think that everything is going to be ok, you are determined to have a good day, and everything seems to sitting high in the right place. It all falls down and when it all falls down you are left with nothing else to do but plea at God. These experiences at times make you feel when it all falls down bouncing back seems worthless. I don’t know, I have not positive quotes or statements to give you at the end of this post (forgive me I’m just feeling some type of way right now), just my tagline. So, do this for me remember, “That life is a journey, it’s up to you to make that journey a magical one. Thanks for reading, Coffee Brown Brother.

Artist and Album of the Week

So I have been looking to find the next artist to write my next blog on. I scanned through a variety of new artist and least to say I am not impressed, so for my next artist I will go back to 1995 to give you a classic album that still sounds good today. The album is the debut album of the R&B artist D’Angelo titled Brown Sugar. This album gives you soulful R&B mixed with jazz band instruments. For those that know this artist he is more than naked man who became famous for a video in which got more attention on his body than his talent. Even in that video for the song how does it feel he presented a soulful vocal that made a great song. The album fits a variety of music lover for both the young and older crowd. Brown Sugar is one of those CDs that you can put on while cleaning or relaxing in at your home. It has some songs that make you wanna grab your spouse and dance. Don’t take my word for it I am attaching a link to a YouTube playing of one of my favorite songs when you get by and higher. Enjoy and remember, life is a journey but it is up to you make that journey a magical one.

Dr.Martin Luther King Jr. Birthday Overlooked??? :-(

 January 22, 2013 a day after Dr.Martin Luther King Jr’s birthday. I am sitting at work scanning my Facebook (on my iPhone)for the third time just feeling a sense of disbelief. I scroll through random post or updates that include comments on Inauguration 2013, the results of the NFL playoffs, and random quotes from rappers or entertainers. Not one time did I see any Facebook friends wish Dr. Martin Luther King Jr a happy birthday. Not once did I even see a Facebook friend even mention Dr. King’s name in any status. The problem is that it took 32 years before Dr.King’s birthday was recognized  nationally as a holiday. I found it sad to see none of my Facebook friends not publicly give birthday wishes and thanks for all the work Dr.King has done. If it were not for Dr.King maybe inauguration 2013 or 2012 would not exist. Rappers having the opportunity to a make all the millions of dollars they make on music that promotes the lyric being quoted on Facebook would not exist without Dr.King’s fight. I wasn’t born during that time but I was educated until it was a second-hand nature on the fight and life of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Knowing his efforts make his birthday a very special day. Therefore, I can’t understand how his birthday is overshadowed  by an inauguration for a second term president. Don’t get me wrong I am proud of the history of the first Black American President Barack Obama and he should have his time to be recognized too. January 21st every year of each year belongs to Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Truth is Martin Luther King Jr was not politics. He did not fight on whether we should extend the debit ceiling or whether off shore drilling for oil should be allowed.  Dr.King focused a fight on equality and peace. He wanted fair treatment for all. 

That is not the main point of this blog because honestly Barack Obama honored Dr.King during his inauguration and showed recognition to his day regardless. The point is to see people who I personally know not give some recognition or appreciation of the life Dr. Martin Luther King Jr makes me sad. I just would hope that if we could take time to give appreciation to rapper, comedians, and sports figures at least on the birthday of one of the most profound civil rights leaders of all time we could at least acknowledge it. That is just my rant for today until then remember, life is a journey but it is up to you to make that journey a magical one.

Losing yourself and working to find you back (update)

Since my last post on finding yourself, I explained how I let myself go as the years past. I made a decision to myself that at age 30 I will not be that guy that let himself go. So recently my girlfriend and I started a gym membership about two weeks ago. We have faithfully followed a full body workout schedule that includes power cleans, squats, and bench press. Working out has not only had an effect on my body, but also a positive effect on my relationship. Don’t ask why, but somehow spending time working ourselves to exhaustion has somehow connected us.

On another note, I have also made an active fight to quit smoking cigarettes. Today (after smoking my last cigarette) I have vowed to be smoke free with the help of Chantix, an anti-smoking medicine. I can only try to ask for God’s assistance in freeing myself from the cancer sticks. I have been pumping vitamins and supplements to help with the recovery stages. I keep a diet of no fried foods and as much protein that I could possibly take. This is a small triumph, but another closer to a greater victory, until then always remember life is a journey but it is up to you to make that journey a magical one.

Saving Money

 I can never save money!!! After I am paid every two weeks I am flat broke before the next paycheck. So today I read on a great idea to save money. The challenge is to Save money for 52 weeks. It instructs you to starts off with saving 1 dollar and each week you are to match the dollar amount of that week. An example would be on week 38 you add 38 dollars to the already saved amount you have. At the end of the challenge on week 52 you should have saved $1,378.00. I would encourage all of you to continue this challenge as long as possible. I would imagine the money saved could come in handy. I hope to keep it up for 100 weeks which would equal to 5,050. This means that I could save $5,000 dollars in two years. How great would that be for a spender like me. The economy is only getting more expensive and having some back me up cash would help a lot. I have learned the hard way the importance of saving money and this challenge provides a way. The word challenge alone makes it a completion with myself and I will play. Well that my money-saving idea and I hope it helps someone. Coffee brown readers be blessed and remember life is a journey but it is up to you to make that journey a magical one.