Free

Prisoner….Not the type of prisoner that is locked in a cell but a prisoner of your mind, yourself, or your situation.  That was me a prisoner to my mind, myself, and the situation I was in. Those that have read my blog know that I normally write about relationship situations (today is not different). See I always write in my blogs about the wrongs that I do, so generally, in my aging path I will say that I am no angel. Now through all the wrongs that I have done I can say that now as a thirty year old man, I have grown out of a lot of the childish things that I have done.

  I am still growing and learning everyday. As a man I have learned that what is important to me is truly being free. What is free? For me free was being able to do just what I wanted to do. This was when I was in my twenties but now three kids, divorce, and other relationship plummets later the word free is totally different to me. Now free is a piece of mind, knowing who I am and what I want. Free is happiness the result of all the hard work and stress taken to enjoy the family I love. Family….having a family or being on the road to completing a family seems more important than ever. I realize that family is not possible when I am not happy. The holidays after working two jobs with a very tiny amount of sleep have made me realize that. See I have tolerated being treated a certain way by someone and have accepted it for the sake of family. Yes there were arguments and multiple threats that I would leave but they were idle threats. I was a prisoner because I was constantly trying to change the way someone thinks or see things, but in default I was compromising my happiness because I have no control of what someone else thinks or does. I let myself be stuck in place that I wanted to control but ultimately I had no control. I was just stuck in a situation and my mind had me stuck settling because I wanted family so bad.

I now have decided to make a calm exit from the situation. It is a life changing decision and very hard because love is not something that you can just turn off. Loving someone and the relationship itself are two totally different situations. See when a relationship gets to the point that you cannot even tell yourself the benefit of it, your just a prisoner to the title itself. You have to free yourself even though it may seem like the hardest thing to do. Life is not promised 5 minuets from now and to spend the little time that I have being sort of self-made prisoner is like running in place. Thus, I would never be free and never see the freedom that everyone should have. Well, this my therapeutic rant for now. Remember, “Life is journey but it is up to you to make that journey a magical one”  The Coffee brown Brother

~ by Coffee Brown Brother on 12/29/2013.