My Journey to Connect with God

My changing moment in life:

Hello, readers!! I want to first thank you for stopping by my blog site. Today has been a very important day for me. I finished my first 21 days fast today. I had realized in May of 2017 as I hit my 34th birthday that I was totally unhappy with myself and in some strange way, I was feeling like I was losing my soul. I will give a little more info to explain some of what I was going through. My relationship took another plunder, my use of alcohol increased, I started experimenting with other stuff, and I began to start socializing more with a swingers group. I was smoking two packs of cigarettes a day. I was having breakdowns at work and financial problems were at an all time high. I was pawning things just for gas money and food. In all honesty, all of these problems were caused by my own hand. I began to sit in an apartment and hate myself. I had been bad at everything. I was a bad father (not spending time with my kids), bad boyfriend (I could not handle adversity right), bad son (my parents have been my #1 fan) and bad to God (I know right from wrong but still didn’t do what I should, I turned my back on God going to church wasn’t enough).  Something had to change, I had this mental breakthrough on June 11th, 2017. I decided I could not live like this and die one day alone with all of my bridges burned. I happen to come across a youtube video of a speaker that had written a book that was given to me. His name is Dr. Myles Munroe he died on November 9th, 2014. He was an awesome speaker, I soon will dedicate a blog to him. In the video, Dr. Munroe explained how to get back in line with God. He spoke on fasting and the rules to fasting. He explained how you had to give up your worldly wants to allow God to take over your life. I needed God to take over my life because I was feeling it slip away.

What did I do?

I prayed for the strength to overcome my addictions and to give up the things I enjoyed the most. What did I give up? I decided to give up cigarettes, secular music, and drinking. Cigarettes would be the hardest of them all to give up, I have been smoking for about 13 years and I have a high addiction to nicotine. I would even get the shakes when I haven’t had a cigarette and very irritable. Secular music was the second hardest thing to give up, I use music as an escape from my life I would imagine this other life while listening.  I would accompany my cigarettes usually with an equivalent to a six pack of beer. I would drink and go into this feeling sorry for myself stage.

What happened?

On the first day of my fast, I prayed and cried out to God that morning to make a change in my finances. I had been looking for another job to supplement income where child support was taking. I had done in the past a lot of applications and multiple interviews. I could not get anyone to hire me part time. I had done an interview with one job just knowing I got the job but had not heard from them at all so I figured I wasn’t picked. I got to my main job and was sitting in my office craving a cigarette, I remember saying God I need your strength. My cell phone rang and I answered it was a lady with a cab service that asked if I was going to come and apply for the dispatcher position.  I left for my lunch break and applied I was hired on spot and put on the schedule. My motivation increased I thanked God for his blessing and continued on in my day. I went a week keeping my promise to God and praying every day asking for a better me. Also, ask God to continue to take control of my life. The beginning of Week two, I had kept all my promises, I received another phone call it was the job that I had interviewed for but had not received a response (the job I just knew I had). They apologized for taking so long but offered a position that paid four more dollars an hour. I am at the end of my fast and I have spent a lot of my free time talking to God. Other things that happened I have been cigarette and alcohol-free for a month. I would have never believed I would be able to quit smoking like this cold turkey. I had in the past tried everything vapors, Chantix, anti-depressants, nicotine patches, etc. God has really delivered me from the chains of nicotine addiction. I also finally was able to sit and talk with my son and daughter’s mother. I was able to get over my hatred for her. No, we are not best friends but were able to see the human in each other and work better to create a better environment for our children. It is an emotional rollercoaster

It is an emotional rollercoaster in a spiritual growth process. I am still a work in progress but I am thankful to share with you the progress I have made. I am now less angry, I was an angry person at everyone. I found a sense of peace and clarity on who I should be and what my purpose is. I am working on the relationships with all my children as they are my life. I keep my relationship with my parents in a good place. I shared this because there is someone that may read this and have given up on themselves, even thinking of suicide as I once did but God never gave up on me even though I don’t deem myself worthy. I tell from experience that God is awesome, I asked him for some things back such as my family with my youngest child’s mother and I am leaving it up to him to decide if that is what he wants. He is making me the leader that I should be to lead a family. That is my testimony and story. Readers as always, remember that “Life is a journey but it is up to you to make that journey a magical one”- Coffee Brown Brother

~ by Coffee Brown Brother on 07/02/2017.